Heaven's Hell Grounds

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

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Farhan is unfortunately still at work with his upcoming blog entry, so meanwhile, for your enjoyment, he has put up an old piece of work. Wonder why it was not accepted as a school play?
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The Play That Never Was

Scene 1 – At the pub
(Boy fooling around and checking out girls’ butts)
Friend 1: Hey boy, look at those girls… (blah blah)
Boy: If you look properly, you can see their g-strings!
Friend 1: Wow! You really can see them! Come, have a drink! (offers beer)
Boy: Alright! This is to all those girls wearing g-strings out there! Cheers!

Scene 2 – On the streets
(Girl helping out helpless fools along the road)
Girl: Oh look! A helpless blind lad! Umm… You helpless lad! Let me help you cross the highly dangerous road!
Blind lad: Oh thank you kind lady. Sigh, I must have bumped into a dozen cars already. Finally I can cross the road safely.
Girl: Don’t mention it. Someone as gorgeous, intelligent, magnificent, helpful, and not to mention humble, as me asks for no reward for kindness.

Scene 3 – Morning assembly
(Girl doing morning announcements)
Girl: Good morning school! Pointless announcements for today: Band members are to return all g-strings to string instruments after school. Choir members who lost their voice are to find them in the dustbin later. Computer club members are to keep porn site passwords to themselves. Thank you.
(Messenger brings flowers to girl)
Messenger: Before I give this to you, I must first apologize.
Girl: What for?
Messenger: For this! Behold this bouquet of beautiful poison ivy from he-who-must-not-be-named! Appreciate this for he is your admirer!
Girl: (squeals) Such fatally beautiful flowers! Whoever sent this must really like me!

Scene 4 – Later
(Boy jumps at girl from behind)
Boy: Hey there!
Girl: (screams) Ah! I almost died of shock you swine!
Boy: Oh never mind that. So, do you like those flowers?
Girl: So you sent me those flowers! How sweet!
Boy: Of course I sent them. Who else would send flowers to someone like you?
Girl: (puzzled) Was that a compliment?
(Couple acts cute and blabber)

Scene 5 – After school
Friend 2: Hey boy, come here. I have something to give you.
Boy: What is it?
Friend 2: Behold, Orgy! Pornography from the west, remixed from the Shards of Narsil! It is time that you see what you were meant to see.
Boy: Oooh! Yummy yummy porn!
Out of nowhere)
Councillor 1: You!
Friend 2: Yes me. Me, me, me.
Boy: Me too!
Councillor 1: Anyway, you are hereby sent for detention under the crime of not sharing pornographic materials!
Boy: Awe… I really wanted to watch it…

Scene 6 – At the Councillor meeting
Councillor 1: Strangers from distant classes, friends of all, we’ve been summoned here to answer the threat of pornography. Our discipline is standing on the brink of destruction. Bring forth the CD.
Councillor 2: It is a gift! Why not use this gift as a reward for those who have done good?
Girl: The CD will have no other master! It must be destroyed!
Councillor 1: She’s right. By life or death, I will help you. You have my sword.
Others: (in a chorus) And my bow! And my axe!
Girl: No need for violence. What else would you like to say, oh Lord of the Ties?
Councillor 1: Oh girl, that boyfriend of yours, he’s involved in this porn business. If you can’t improve him, I suggest you dump him.
Girl: Finally you guys caught him! I’ll see what I can do.

Scene 7 – Somewhere outside
Boy: Hey girl, what’s wrong?
Girl: It’s just that I’ve been blamed for everything that you’ve done wrong. I can’t take this anymore. You must be blamed too!
Boy: Well, I was put in detention where I’m supposed to learn my lesson. Good thing I had my sex ed textbook, I was getting bored in there.
Girl: How many times have I told you to stop this? You just keep coming up with these lame reasons that you’re learning your lesson and that you’d change.
Boy: I’ve been learning, from my sex ed textbook that is.
Girl: I don’t want to be blamed anymore! That’s it! I’m dumping you!
Boy: Wait, can’t I dump you first? Oh well…

Scene 8 – Boy’s room
(Boy reflects on his actions)
Boy: Damn, now I’m single again. Then again, I’m free to date anyone I want.
(Fantasizes about other girls, then gets reminded about girl again)
Boy: I can’t get her out of my head. What she said really touched me. I really have been a bad boy and now I’m suffering from my own actions. Anyway, I’ve seen enough porn to last me my whole lifetime and getting drunk isn’t that fun. I think I really will change for the better this time.
(Throws away porn, gasp!)

Scene 9 – On the streets
(Boy helping our helpless fools along the road)
Boy: Ah, a blind lad. Yo blind lad! Get over here, I’ll help you cross this highly dangerous road.
Bind lad: I’m blind, not deaf. Funny I haven’t died yet.
Boy: Just shut up and let me help you get across. (Grips blind lad tightly)
Blind lad: Wow, such strong hands. I can just see that muscular body of yours…
Boy: Oh my god, you’re gay! (Lets go of blind lad)
Blind lad: Oh shit. (Gets hit by a truck)

(From across the street)
Girl: So boy, you really have changed for the better.
Boy: Well, I got over my past self. Think I should start being good for once.
Girl: I think I’m starting to like you again. Let’s be a couple again!
Boy: Embrace me my lady!
(Hugs each other)

(Corny touchy music playing in the background)
The End

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Editor's note:
The above play was written in reference to the original notes produced for the Sec 2 Councillors' Investiture performance by the 5th Excos. The script went through 3 redrafting (duh) before the final one was settled.

iisgHAN | 6:03 pm| comment

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